Things to do in Sun City West

In an attempt to wrap up my fully factual and completely accurate accounting of my long weekend in Sun City west, I will now list observations, commentary and itineraries of said trip:

1) The orange trees in Sun City West fall into three broad categories: 'Juicer', 'Eater' and 'Decorative.' While you can eat a 'Juicer' and juice a 'Eater' its generally considered a bad idea to eat or juice a 'Decorative.'
2) Cocktail hour is actually Cocktail 4 0r 5 hour.
3) These people are rollin. Um, no, not on X. I meant as the euphemism for lots of discretionary income.
4) I saw more after market rims then on a rap video marathon. Which is hysterical to me considering 99% of the people are white.
5) Birthday parties for dogs may seem odd to me, but they are perfectly acceptable forms of entertainment.
6) Breakfast on the patio with freshly picked grapefruit, freshly squeezed orange juice (from freshly picked 'Juicer' oranges), a bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios, an English muffin with homemade raspberry jam immersed in the sent of spring blossoms is what I call living in the lap of luxury.
7) Golf courses. Lots of Golf courses.
8) My aunt has this little black Schipperke that goes by the misnomer of "Bear." Like most small dogs, it likes the sound of its own voice, which isn't surprising. What is surprising is that the dog also likes money and shoes (yes, its a female. Of course). She will actually go into an open purse looking for cash, I can only assume, so as to buy more shoes.
9) Quick Story: About a week and a half prior to my visit, my aunt had her car stolen. Here's how: She took it to have it serviced at the local Chrysler dealer ( I know. I know. She drives a bloody Chrysler. Its hard for me to take also). She drove up. Let the service guy know she was there. Had him listen to the engine for the elusive noise - that mysteriously disappears when someone is actually listening specifically for it - and then left it in the capable hands of the service people. Two days later she gets a call saying someone drove off with her car. Well, I don't know about you, but that isn't what I expect when I get my car serviced. Anyway, Sunday morning we are enjoying breakfast (see lap of luxury above) and the police call. They found the car. They were investigating a 'disturbance' and the car was on the property (apparently, they run VIN numbers on car at a disturbance just in case. Who knew). They told her she had thirty minutes to drive down to the disturbance and get the car. Can I just say, there are parts of Phoenix that are, um, less than savory? So, blah blah blah, cars back, not in the best of shape, but not as bad as it could have been. We had it towed back to the Chrysler dealer (I was surprised it was open as in CO, dealers can't sell cars on Sunday. I know, its ridiculous) and the GM said that he would make it as good as new and then they could decide to sell it or keep it, with the promise if they chose to get a new car, he'd cut them a great deal. We left that place and headed up the street to the Lexus dealer to scope out the phat rides. Heck, if you're gonna get a new car, I argued, get a real one.
10) You think they don't have pigeons in Sun City West? Think again. The bastiches.