Funny things I'm too brainwashed to attempt

You know, living in a 'civilized' society does have its down side.

For example, you really cannot do the following no matter how badly you'd like :

1) Its never appropriate to scratch a complete strangers back in a grocery store (or really any place), regardless of the contortions they are making to reach an out-of-the-way itch... Or is it?
2) Its rarely looked upon as polite to run up and 'jiggle' a big person, regardless of the 'bowl full of jelly' resemblance.
3) When dining in a fine establishment (or any establishment, really) those who ask for samples from neighboring tables are looked upon poorly, regardless of how appetizing the may desserts appear.
4) Not a good idea to offer you hand when meeting people you don't know at a urinal; and pointing and chuckling, while subtly humorous, tends to engender a negative reaction.
5) Striking heroic poses in check-out lanes (i.e. arms akimbo, chest thrust out majestically, one eye brow raised impressively, staring as if peering into a grand horizon, that sort of thing) tends to frighten more than amuse.

I've been tempted on quite a few occasions to do all of the above, but have never gone that last step... I will, tho, its just a matter of time....