Just trying to help

I went into the break room just now as a sort of, you know, break and stuff, and noticed the following taped to the front of the Pepsi machine:

“POTENTIALLY OUT OF ORDER… USE AT YOUR OWN RISK ... – SECURITY.”

Potentially out of order? Just how helpful is this sign? If I was a soda drinker, which I’m not, would I consider this sign dissuading enough to bypass my daily dose of 'death water?' Consider smokers for a second. Yes, I know ... gross. They smell like mobile wild fires, they look like your great grand mother only they are, you know, 22, they hack like their name was Buddy Hackett (get it? his name has HACK right in it and, you know, smokers cough AND hack! wow that’s clever), yet they continue to blithely puff away even though there is a warning from General Surgeon telling them its not a good idea ( I bet if General Surgeon threatened them with military action they’d change their tunes).

Anyhow, I got to thinking of other signs that may or may not have been, or possibly could be, effective. I wonder if other signs from this ‘SECURITY’ Samaritan could help in other avenues. For example, what would have happened if we had seen the following pinned to the lapel of our illustrious president prior to the most recent election:

“POTENTIALLY EGOMANIACAL, WARMONGERING, NARCISSISTIC, BUMBLING, AND/OR PROFITEERING … ELECT AT YOUR OWN RISK … - SECURITY. PS, UNINTENTIALLY A VERY AMUSING SPEAKER”

If I had seen the following:

“POTENTIAL PIGEON HAUNTING AND OR HOUNDINGS … PURCHASE AT YOUR OWN RISK … - SECURITY.”

tacked to the ‘for sale’ sign of my house would it have influenced my decision making process? I mean, other than the deceased little bastard in my window well, I had no idea that I would be harangued and harassed by the flying vermin (side note: I’ve decided to escalate my war on these devious little flying menaces this weekend).

What about this,

“POTENTIALLY BITCHY AND OR DEMANDING RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BIG GAME … DATE AT YOUR OWN RISK… - SECURITY.”

when you think you’ve found the best little hottie around with whom to hang? Think that might change your thinking about shagging?

I can’t help but think that prior to Chipotle being placed on my ‘Do NOT Solicit’ list, that the following,

“POTENTIALLY DREAD ILLNESS INDUCING BURRITO … CONSUME AT YOUR OWN RISK … - SECURITY.”

could quite possibly have prevented a horrid night of excruciating stomach pains and explosive bodily emissions.

A few years ago, a friend of mine purchased this incredibly sweet sports car that he in no way could afford; this could have given him pause:

“POTENTIAL TO DINE EXCLUSIVELY UPON RAMAN UPON PURCHASE … SUCCUMB TO SCUMY PRESSURE INDUCING SALESMAN AT YOUR OWN RISK … - SECURITY.”

I tell you, ‘SECURITY’ is missing his calling. Think of all the good he could accomplish in the world.

“POTENTIAL OF HAVING CRAZY BIZNATCH ALL UP IN YOUR GRILL WITH HER BIG ASS BOYFRIEND… TIE DOG TO POLE AT YOUR OWN RISK … - SECURITY.”