Why are you talking like that?

I have a relatively firm grasp of the Americanized English language which allows me to communicate quite efficiently with the majority, if not all, of the english speaking population. That being said, a certain part of my youth was spent in the company of a, lets say, rougher and less classically eloquent element. Consequently, I also have a relatively firm grasp of a, lets say again, colloquial style of speaking that may be, at times, at odds with my normal every day way of speaking.

Recently, while driving with a good friend of mine with whom I communicate in a certain way, I received a phone call (Ok, I know what you're thinking: He's one of those people that drives all over the road while trying to answer his bloody cell phone. Well, I have one thing to say to that... Guilty as charged) from a friend with whom I speak an entirely different way. I excused the intrusion with my co-pilot and answered the phone. I had a very brief conversation the contents of which are really not worth mentioning here and then hung up.

Once I dissconnected from the call, I turned to my friend to apologize again and noticed that I was receiving a very strange look. I inquired as to what I owed this remarkable visage and was promply queried about the manner of my chosen communication 'technique' whilst on the phone.

Knowing exactly to what was being referred, I just as promptly adopted a perplexed expression and feigned confusion. Again the question of the phone call and the way I chose and arranged the words to which I queried and responded to the caller was presented. Sighing in resignation, I patiently explained that I, being shaped and influenced by two differring cultures, tend to communicate, depending on the situation and the other participant, in whichever manner I deem most apropos. It just so happened the my companion at that time had not heard me interact, communicably speaking (that is a clever phrase whether you think so or not), with someone with whom I would use different, culturally speaking, expressions, phrases, etcetera. It seemed that this anomalous event was somewhat less than well received.

Why, I was queried, would you speak one way some times and another, entirely different way at other times? At the time, I was at a loss at how to explain this incongruity. I must say, I am hardly aware of any difference, I simply communicate in the manner most fitting to the situation at hand in the most natural and most comfortable manner for the participants at hand. Is there harm in this? Am I, perhaps, sundering some unspoken law against Language of which the penalty is severe and remarkable looks? Am I restricted to singular forms of expression? Shall I always be severe and austere? Perpetually colorful and quaint, perhaps? No, I think not. I shall not be pigeon (oh, the irony) holed into one form of expression as surely as I will not be ground under the heels of concurent and multiple wives! I have a dream where one day a man will not be required to hold to only one form of expression, but will be free to convey himself in whatever manner he see fit without the hinderance and hounding of severe and remarkable looks.

This, my friends, should be a dream we all share.