The war on pigeons

I have a pigeon problem. That being comprised of 1) I don't like pigeons and 2) Sensing this, pigeons have decided to settle upon and around my domecile.

I'm not sure what Burt's (Ernie allegedly gay puppet pal) deal was with pigeons, but now that I think back upon those Sesame Street episodes that had him interact with the flying vermin, I am sure that they caused me serious mental and emotional harm. That or it just freaks me out thinking about them.

Anyhow, since I really am a nice fellow, I don't wish the pigeons to die. (Well, except on those rare mornings when I can sleep in and am prevented from doing so by the irritating sound of A) Pigeons making pigeon nooky [which is surpringly loud. I guess I gotta give em props for gettin their freak on in a freaky manner] , B)Pigeons making that pigeon cooing noise for no bloody good reason other than to irritate normally sane and grounded men or C) The anticipation of A & B. .. on these occasions I would happily take the flame thrower from my trunk and.. well, you get the picture) So I have been investigating avenues for persuading them to congregate elsewhere.

These consist of:

1) Throwing snowballs at said pigeons. Pros: Vastly entertaining. You see what happens is that the pigeons are sitting on my chimney flue doing what pigeons do (annoying me to no end). I will, using the house itself to shield me from their view, spring up and lob a snow ball or two in their general direction. Course, I never hit them, but they do their startled pigeon yell and fly furiously around in a big circle and land on the house next door. Where they eye me with what I can only assume is pigeon disdain. At which point I just mime throwing something and they take off again to perch on some other poor souls manse (ok, maybe manse is exagerating a bit since, you know, I'm not in politics nor am I a lobbyist). Cons: We don't have snow year round (most years) and even in the winter, the snow is only around long enough to provide only a day or two of ammunition.

2) Buying a scary owl statue. Pros: Scares the pigeons away as they are snack sized treats for owls. Cons: I'd have to climb upon my roof and mount the fowl golemn (Oh, that is clever of me isn't it? Fowl golemn. Hehheh). I understand that after the pigeons realize that the owl is not only not looking at them, but is neither moving in their direction nor, as it turns out, breathing, they treat it as a new accessory to their pleasant living environs.

3) Can you say Pellet Gun? Pros: Would provide necessary target practice in preparation for an avian plot to take over the world. Cons: Don't really want to kill the little bastards. Plus, a young black man toting around a gun (real, pellets, bbs, water, doesn't matter) tends to set the neighbors on edge and I really have no desire to face down a swat team with a Christmas Story gat.

Still working on the best plan of assault. Luckily, we just had a major snowstorm on Monday. I better go take advantage of the munitions....