Twenty three and a half random thoughts

.5) Advice that isn't at least partly contradictory isn't advice at all, however ...

1.5) Have we become a nation of vampires, visually feeding off the beauty, vitality and energy of the young?

2.5) If Milla Jovovich and Kate Beckinsale made a movie do you think we could call it 'Run Evil Element Under the Fifth World'? And do you think they could, you know, maybe wrestle?

3.5) As football season wraps up and March Madness heats up, I can't help but think that I will, very soon, have no excuse to, you know, not clean the garage.

4.5) At some point, people like this guy should all be rounded up and placed into a small room, and, you know, not let out again until they agree to do a reality show.

5.5) Recently, I've read a book entitled Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell (Susanna Clarke). The story was entertaining, but what I found the most interesting was the curious manner in which the characters spoke. Everyone was painfully polite - even enemies - and it made me wonder; would people, in our society today, freak out if we all had nothing but pleasantries to exchange with one another?

6.5) Its hard to imagine, but the internet as we know it really isn't all that old, however, I cannot imagine not having such a helpful, informative, and entertaining medium as its become in the past 10 to 15 years.

7.5) Do you think my cell phone is about to ring?

8.5) Clint Eastwood. Has a history in TV and low budget foreign films and now has a hand in some of the most compellingly brilliant movies I've ever seen.

9.5) Do you ever wonder what Star Trek would have been like if Clint Eastwood would have been the captain? Do you think they would have let him wear an old stained poncho instead of the s'mediums with capris that was the uniform for the men?

10.5) Clint Eastwood as Captain Kirk and Samuel Jackson as Spock. Now we are talking serious entertainment, eh Trekkies? 'Ya Goddam right thats my tricorder! Get yer mutha #$%# hands off!'

11.5) Is compellingly a real word? Ever wonder how words are created? The other day, I saw a word - multihyphenate - used in an article. Since I'd never seen the word, I looked it up in my handy dandy dictionary. Nothing. No entry. Does not exist. When do you think its ok to make words up? Anyway, I gleaned from the context of the sentence what the word meant and was filled with envy that there exists a profession that I could have followed: Literal word-smithing. Maybe I'll make up a couple of words in the future.

12.5) Ever see a person of the opposite sex (or same, if that's your preference) for the first time and just know that you have a 'thing'? Thing, being a connection, a chemistry, a flame, a spark, a, what the French call, 'I don't know what'? What is that all about? Sometimes I think its one of our future consciousness contacting us from one of our multitude of possible future realities where, yeah, you and that person really, you know, got it on good. And since we are all positive people in the future, it (it, being, you know, that future alternate reality consciousness I JUST now mentioned - pay attention) fails to tell us that, well, yeah, if you do THAT (seemingly innocuous thing that only in hindsight seems appallingly ridiculous), things will go horribly awry and they (they being that person you just sparked with) will leave you and consequently you will end up insane for a few days.... or maybe years.

13.5) Why can't that consciousness tell us something helpful... Like, you know, the next lottery numbers. Honestly, you know, its not because its not trying to be helpful, its more because love is more important than money. And in the future, every consciousness will realize this.

14.5) Why do you think that actors are all so short? Do you think its because its easier to fit them into the TV when they 'format the film to fit your TV'? I do seem to notice that Tim Robbins hunches a lot in his movies. He might be afraid of becoming a head shorter or something.

15.5) I wonder if we did a survey if we would find that people that are exceptionally beautiful are also remarkably stupid and vice versa? You know, on average as a way of balancing things out, the more you approach average looks, the more you approach average intellect.

16.5) Course, who the heck defines what is beautiful anyway? I think that the 'Pretty Woman' gal has a huge and disproportionate mouth. Others seem to think she's drop dead beautiful. Eh, who really cares anyway.

17.5) Do you think if Julia Roberts had been captain of the Enterprise that she would have had sex with the way hot green chick? That may have been worth recording.

18.5) Exxon today posted revenues of, you know, a kazillion dollars. I wonder if we would still be driving gas powered automobiles if the industry were, you know, only making a buck fifty an hour. It seems to me that every time I hear or read about some ground breaking new energy source, the person behind it suddenly finds a new calling in animal husbandry. Remember that Dean Kamen guy? Supposedly, he had an invention that would change the world. I think he phrased it '... unique and lasting contribution to society.' I wonder if he originally had a transportation device powered by, you know, cat poop. Then Dr. Evil and Exxon got wind of things and instead we got the Segway. Which I guess is just as good, cuz, you know, how else would Gob get around to ruining Michael's life?

19.5) How can a show be as funny as Arrested Development and nobody watch it? Bloody Exxon bastiches.

20.5) I find that if I don't like something and don't understand why its occurring, I can just blame the Bush administration or the Oil Industry until I make the time to, you know, research it and find out without a doubt it actually is the fault of the Oil Industry AND the Bush administration.

21.5) Though its been years since I've seen Mel Brooks' brilliant documentary 'The History of the World Pt. 1', I've recently begun to wonder how many of the five 'lost' Commandments, the Bush administration is breaking. I mean, why stop at ten when you are on a role and all?

22.5) Not everyone gets me. Frankly, I'm quite surprised anyone gets me at all.

23.5) If Vince Vaughn is in fact an item with Jennifer Aniston, do we refer to them as Vincifer or Vaugiston.... Maybe Jennince or Anisaughn... Or are ridiculous combo's like that reserved for that master thespian Ben Affleck and his sig-oths?

Top five random thoughts that didn't make the 23.5

1) I often times want to, politely, remind hiway drivers that, no, it isn't ok to go from 65 to 30 on the off chance that you might see a severed limb. But unfailingly, they misunderstand my guestures for 'you're number 1' for something entirely unintended. Luckily, I really don't have road rage and resist all urges to inflict bodily damage and or create general havoc. But, its a close thing. Someone once told me that there really is only one @ss hole on the road... They just happen to be in front of you. Every. Single. Day.

2) Do you think that rich people day dream about losing all there money and ponder what it would be like to be, you know, middle class?

3) I read recently a study the concluded that sex helps you maintain your health. So, really, a menage trois (The French really aren't that bad after all) is the equivalent of 'take two and call me in the morning'.

4) If I could have one super power, and one only, I would choose telepathy.

5) Love is a beautiful thing, man.