Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Get thee behind me, humongo!

So I was going to comment on this 1200lb guy who needs to go have a 'life saving' operation attributed to his 'husky' physique. Only now, I can't find the link. Blast.

So, anyway, how does one get to one thousand two hundred pounds? I mean, maybe 3 bills is average for your typical NFL lineman, but when you start to tip the scales at, say five hundred pounds.. no, no, lets cut the guy some slack and say he didn't notice he was eating, you know, everything within reach, and say that the first six hundred pounds just sort of ‘crept’ up on him. Hey, it can happen. You know, you’re sitting AROUND the house, you might be a little depressed and you, you know, eat Johnny Depp. I mean, it can happen, right? It’s the hat that makes him seem like a nutty bar, really.

So, all of a sudden, you’re at six bills. Ok. Fine. At that point, you just have to lean back, look at your self in the mirror (or your left arm, depending on the size of the building to which the mirror is attached) and say, ‘wow, I may need to lose a pound or two. Getting a little soft in the middle.’ Right? I mean, am I right? You have to take a stand, even if you, you know, cannot stand, and say, ‘enough is enough!! Send the mountain of twinkies away! Dismiss the mounds of Mounds and don’t but me with the ‘almond joy’s got nuts!’ Away I say!’ And roll yourself into a sauna for the love of Simmons!

Not this guy, nooooo, 600 lbs is only half way there! It’s a pittance! It’s only a Yugo, for crying in the night! I’m shooting for a full blown Gremlin here! I guess you could admire a fellow who doesn’t give up halfway to a goal. ‘Twelve hunny is callin an I’ma answerin!!’

I mean, can you imagine how much soap the guys from Fight Club could have made with this guy?

1 comment:

Melissa said...

I've always wondered about this, myself. It's true - at what point, exactly, would you stop and say, "HOLY SHIT. I cannot BELIEVE I weigh this much. SOMETHING has to give."? I think for me, at an athletic 5'10, that point would be 170. I just don't understand how anyone can simply not care. Gross.