What do you mean he's ugly?

My buddy JB recently returned from a trip to Mexico in which she visited a man. This man was someone whom she had met here in the states while she was taking Spanish classes in order to learn ho to speak Spanish (imagine that).

Whilst on this holiday, JB snapped numerous pictures and she shared these photos with me upon(st) her return. This sharing went a bit like this; JB would pull a photo from the stack in her hand, describe what led up to the photo or/and what/who the photo depicted and then hand it to me for my enjoyment and/or commentary.

As you might expect, a couple of these photos contained the man she went to see. The first time she said ‘This is me and Ricardo’ I looked at it and said, ‘No, that’s you and some guy’. What I was thinking in my head was ‘Wonder who that old guy really is.. he looks a lot like Jack Nicholson; frozen and still evil looking in The Shining’, but I didn’t say that. JB looked at me and smiled and said, ‘What do you mean? That’s me and Ricardo.’

Now, its important to know that JB has a keen sense of humor and I wasn’t entirely sure that she wasn’t joking with me. So, playing it safe, I just nodded my head and said ‘Hand me the next photo, sister.’

So, the next several photos were of fish taken during a scuba excursion. Then, again came the words ‘This is Ricardo and I again’ and I look, and do you want to know what I saw? Well, I’m telling you anyway. It was that same evil looking Nicholson guy. And this is what I thought ‘Wow. I guess that really is the guy she went to see.’ I thought this while carefully keeping my face expressionless. Or so I thought.

What follows is the resulting conversation. (Key People’s Court theme music)

The players:

MJ, as MJ.
MJ’s friend JB as MJ’s friend JB
Evil Frozen Jack Nicholson as JB’s man friend from Mexico

The conversation:

JB : What is that look for?

MJ : What look?

JB : That look you got when you were looking at that picture.

MJ : I don’t know what you are talking about. (Trying to play the dumb guy is a tried and true solution to many a man’s faux pas and is almost always the first ploy taken. . . However, in this case, I was sure I wasn’t making any faces.)

JB : Yes, you do. You made a face when you looked at the picture. What’s wrong?
MJ : Nothing, he looks fine. (Yes, I realized as soon as my mouth opened that I had made a critical blunder. Doh!)

JB : What do you mean he ‘looks fine’? What wrong with the way he looks? (snatching the picture from my hand and inspecting it as if its been corrupted by my touch)

MJ : Nothing! Its just that… I was a little surprised is all.

JB : Surprised by what?

MJ : Well, (taking the photo back for a second glance .. and, yep, Evil Frozen Jack Nicholson is still there) he kind of looks evil. (Yes, I realize that I’m not the smartest guy on the planet, but I tend to tell it like I see it)

JB : (bewildered) Evil? What do you mean evil??

MJ : Dunno, its probably the picture. You know, a lot of people aren’t very photogenic.

JB : You think he’s ugly!!

MJ : What? I never said that! (thinking: I never said that!) Just, let me see the rest of the pictures.

JB : (grumble)


Well, I thought that was the end of it, but it turns out, I was in for it in the next few days…

What's my age again? What's my age again.

Proof that I'm 12 (or younger):

Just the sight of prairie dogs makes me chuckle.
I refuse to eat brussel sprouts (nor spell it correctly, for that matter).
The three stooges are hilarious.
Dick Cheney frightens me.

Proof that I’m a lot older:

The radio in my car is tuned to Jazz, baby.

Proof that I’m 12:

Spontaneously chasing the little bunnies that I encounter while strolling the ‘hood is not out of the question.
Donuts, good. Asparagus, bad.
I, almost without fail, clap my hands gleefully in anticipation of dessert.

Proof that I’m older:

Dick Cheney frightens me.

Proof that I’m 12:

The word ‘boobs’, while pleasing to the ear, makes me blush.
I take great pleasure in winning contests; regardless of the opponent (that includes my 7 year old who hasn’t quite grasped the intricacies of Othello. Can you say undefeated? Yeah!).

Proof that I’m older:

2 words: ‘Naughty Time’ (whoa, I guess in this age that really isn’t the proof it used to be….)