Spooky!

I may have mentioned in the past that October is my favorite month; due in part to Halloween and the traditions attached to this much hallowed day. I enjoy reminiscing about the adventures involved in collecting candy door to door and the accompanied excitement that can only truly be appreciated as a youngster, or recalling the times when an especially creative costume garnered appreciative comments and congratulations. In addition to fond memories, All Hallows Eve is perfect for those of us who like a little fright to kick start our adrenaline, you know, things like monsters, ghosts, ghouls, vampires, werewolves and, most frightening of all, the Haunting Ex(1) (shiver).

Which brings me to my chosen subject (awkward segue alert): The Haunting Ex.

The Haunting Ex, while frightening, is less frightening than the more nefarious Stalking Ex(2), yet, more annoying than the appreciated Benefits Ex(3). The annoyance of the Haunting Ex has little to do with the person, in my case, but rather more to do with the feelings attached to said person. A Haunting Ex can be different things to different peeps. My Haunting Ex is a psyche ghost, a mind specter, a subconscious recurrence of the un-undead (or not dead… or maybe even undying-not-undead… I’ll ponder the perfect metaphor later, I think), an unwanted apparition appallingly unapologetic in its unappealing and antagonistic appearances. I imagine the cause of the haunting or the inspiration behind the Haunting Ex differs from person to person, ranging from such cliché cataclysms as ‘the one that got away’ to ‘the one that burst thru my bony ribcage blasting thru my still living torso, her hand like a living bullet like simile, obliterating my beating heart, desecrating my belief in trust, shattering my respect for love, bludgeoning the seal cub of friendship, leaving a fractured, scarred and confused filled mess of a husk in her wake’ (um, you know, hypothetically speaking) to ‘the one that won’t let go’. It just depends on the situation.

Anywho, my haunting takes the form of surprises in dreams of unfulfilled futures or startled memories sprung from the vastness of my deep subconscious (where they should be repressed until forgotten for the love of ALL!! [pant, hiccup]), triggered by some innocuous comment, sentimental song or languishing landmark (yes, landmarks can languish.. I’ve seen it).

My haunting sometimes makes me smile whimsically, but most times makes me frown frightfully or often makes me quiver in a rage so deep, so fierce that the sound of grinding teeth startles me and I blink, blink away the spots from my sight and calm myself with breathing exercises learned from the many and varied Kung Fu films of my youth ( I sometimes think that if the Karate Kid tried that crazy ‘sand da fwl-oh’ on me, I’d stomp the creep so far he'd want me for Swayze's role in the Outsiders .. but, then again, he’d probably get me with that whole ‘pain da fens’ thing). On, more rare occasions, my curiosity will peek, and I’ll do a little cyber stalking and find out what I can about the Haunting Ex ( Idaho, horses, kids, probably in a militia ).

However, no matter what feeling I have after a specific haunt, never do I wish anything but the best for my Haunting Ex.

1. Haunting Ex – From the Greek Hauntingus Expectalutus, meaning, ‘why the hell can’t I just forget!’
2. Stalking Ex – From the Latin Syko Biznach, meaning, ‘For the love of God, NO!!’
3. Benefits Ex – From the Latin Benafacto Sexaloticis, meaning, ‘Hells Yeah!’