Scope It!

One of the negatives to me getting older is the extra attention needed to keep my body hale (you may have a different con). The additional time exercising, the additional time recovering from exercising plus the added discomfort from pains, spasms, sprains, tweaks, cramps, dings, jams, bruises, tears, and pulls is far greater than I can recall as a youth (just a few short years ago... no, really). Over the course of my years, I’ve been lucky enough to not have a major surgery nor broken bone, though I have endured countless sprains and the like (tho some would say I’ve fragmented my fair share of sentences). – Quick aside: What do you say to someone you surprise with their hand all the way down the back of their pants? I don’t mean someone just tucking a loose garment back into place or removing a pesky article from the nether regions, no, I’m talking a full on mining operation here; a complete and sordid raking of the entire ass epidermus; a back bending, up to your elbow colon exploration; a, um, well, you get the idea. I felt like I was watching a re-enactment of the infamous ‘hand shake’ in Mall Rats and should offer my expert critique:

Scene: MJ blunders upon office lad in the midst of a strenuous self body cavity search.
Players:
MJ as MJ
Office Lad as Assman
Setup: MJ takes a break from a hard day of sitting and hitting the ‘enter’ key and opens the door to his secure area only to discover Assman deep in the act of ensuring that, yes, there is a beginning to the end of the colon or at least a middle.

MJ: Erk!
Assman: (Frozen in the act of talking on the phone and minutes from needing a smoke) .. as I was saying (trails off as he turns and notices he has an audience)
MJ: Um… God, I hope you’re not doing a play by play!
Assman: (Snatches hand from pants and freezes as a small voice is heard from the phone at his ear)
MJ: If you tell me that there was a phone in your other hand as well, I think I may … No, I actually have no idea how I would react to that news.
Assman: (complete dear in headlights look… voice from phone continues to be heard)
MJ: Listen, I’m just going to go ahead and edge around you very carefully. You will NOT make any sudden moves and once I’m gone, you can continue your search for your gerbil friend, but for the love of all, do it somewhere less conspicuous, man!
Assman: (watches MJ slowly move around him and out of sight … Plunges hand back into pants.)

*I can only assume to that last bit. –

(aside over) In the past few weeks, I’ve been having some lingering issues with my right knee that just haven’t gone away, so, I’m having it scoped tomorrow. Yay, Halloween!

Anyway, I plan on watching the procedure and may very well describe it the next episode of… The Assman Blues!