Barbarian Invasions

A couple of Saturdays ago, as I was enjoying a beautifully sunny day strolling thru a lovely park, I stumbled across a sight I’ve never seen nor never expected to see. I was so surprised by this sight that I had to stop and blink while my brain slowly digested the visual input of what appeared to be a sword fight. As I paused to contemplate just what I was seeing and couple it with possible explanations for, you know, what the heck is going on here!, I began to notice further details. For example, the two gentlemen who were happily trying to bash each other were not actually using ‘cold steel’ (or even ‘lukewarm steel’). I base this on the fact that instead of the clang-clangity-clanging one would expect from metal bashing metal, the noise coming from the contact of the two ‘weapons’ was more of a thwack-thawackity-thwacking that would, and I’m speculating here, be more closely associated with heavy plastic being smashed against heavy plastic. Well, that and there was no spurting blood and/or gaping wounds that, I’m told, were common during the types of medieval combat that employed heavy sharpened metal instruments of dismemberment (See Excalibur ) (I feel it important to note that this is an assumption as I am no an expert in this matter). As I continued to watch, I couldn’t help but smile at the absurdity (and by absurd, I mean the complete geek-acity of the whole idea – not that there is anything wrong with doing absurdly geeky activities (just because I think its absurd, doesn’t mean you don’t have a right to humiliate yourself in public) for ones amusement) of what I was witnessing. Further, as I finally accepted that what I was viewing was in fact occurring, I noticed that one of the noble gladiators was wielding a fabricated replica of a sword and shield and the other was wielding twin fabricated replicas of swords (think Conan’s big ass sword times two ) in either hand. Additionally, twin sword guy was fighting from a kneeling position, for whatever reason (I can only assume that this was due to some greivous injury suffered when the plastic sword of his opponent thwacked him below the waist at some point during there viscous quarrel). The participants stopped flailing at each other when the shield guy managed to jab the deadly tip of his razor edged plastic sword into the midsection of the twin sword guy (you might assume there was some peircing scream or gutteral soul stirring wail when this occurred, but you'd be wrong). They then parted and turned to a third person ( a woman no less, and hardly unattractive no less) - I didn't notice this individual due to my understandable fixation on the titanic struggle - who appeared to be selecting from an assortment of plastic and menacing weapons laid out upon a blanket. We’re talking maces, flails, axes, hatchets, etc. Quite the assortment of Tupperware’s top armament line. I wanted to stay and watch, however, I was deathly afraid that they would start yelling things, you know, like “THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE!!” or “WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CAHLAH(color)??!” and I just couldn’t risk that, you understand.